| all my bells are ringing
2008 hath been momentous: turning 17 in the middle of an ocean, first kiss, immense depression, O-levels, travelling, losing a true love and keeping a best friend, first fling (like, 3 days in a jungle kind of fling) and gaining a new friend, baking, macarons, books, work, new friends, art, ropes for art in a slightly kinky manner, laughter, tears, puns.
christmas doesn't mean too much to me. it's desperately, inherently commercial, from the warm fuzzy christmas films that are nevertheless money-making machines at this time of the year to the deeply entrenched tradition of gift giving. i think gifts can and should be spontaneous and whenever. to give of yourself entirely to other people is an anytime thing. loving too is all the time (and more on that on valentine's day)
nevertheless...there is just something about christmas that gets me all delusional and wistful and happy about the tropical drizzle, which to my mind resembles a fine foggy snowy mist. forget terrible vietnamese-dubbed christmas techno and listen to Enya's And Winter Came, Bright Eyes' Christmas album, The Hotel Cafe Presents Winter Songs, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett - and that's how magical christmas is.
i had hoped that christmas would find me with love. this best friend who has always been there for me and whom i have never had to explain myself to and who is, quite literally, my other half - and we are both over each other. since people leave to venture into the world and study and i am left behind - it is better to break.
it's all for the best. of course it is.
(my friend E. is impressed that i have "lived to tell it".)
christmas really means forgiving everyone and loving them always.
merry christmas to you. i love you.
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